


A Very Christmas Bad Idea

by CapConspicuous



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 25 Days of Stuckmas, :), CHRISTMAS fake relationship AU, Christmas Fluff, Christmas!, Cute, Fluff, Language, M/M, Pining, Stucky - Freeform, christmas stucky, fake relationship au, little to no angst, they're in love ok, time to get FUCKING FESTIVE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapConspicuous/pseuds/CapConspicuous
Summary: There were probably a million different reasons and moments when Bucky could have realized that this was a bad idea. So many. So goddamn many reasons he should have picked up on, and yet nothing clued in. Really.Maybe, maybe, when he picked Steve up at Steve's residential building, and felt a fluttering in his chest. Yeah, Clue Numero Uno, dumbass, you're in love with him, dumbass, this is a bad idea.Aka. Bucky brings Steve home for Christmas but everyone thinks they're dating and it all goes downhill from there.





	1. A Very Christmas Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be 1 part, then 2, but now it's planned for 3 chapters and I honestly don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. It's 1:37 AM and I'm planning on waking up at five to finish some assignments so RIP ME
> 
> Anyways enough about me, this is pure, un-adulterated fake relationship AU. but festive, because I fucking love Christmas. There are probably mistakes, tbh but it's late and iimmsotired  
> Ch 1. Day 4/25 of 25 Days of Stuckmas!
> 
> kudos+comments, pls, make the shadows under my eyes disappear <3
> 
> Edit: It's 1:56 AM now and i've tried editting like ten times now but the italics are all fucked up, YAY ME, yeah I'll fix it tomorrow.  
> UP-FUCKING-DATE: It's 4:28 PM and I HAVE FIXED THE ERROR WITH THE ITALICS. I REPEAT. I HAVE FIXED THE ERROR. I literally inserted ONE slash. One. And everything was correct. Thank God. I'm. Wow. Tired still and also just had three packets of instant coffee into one glass of milk. I'm gonna be feeling this later tonight.

There were probably a million different reasons and moments when Bucky could have realized that this was a bad idea. So many. So goddamn many reasons he should have picked up on, and yet nothing clued in. Really.

Maybe, _maybe_ , when he picked Steve up at Steve's residential building, and felt a fluttering in his chest. Yeah, Clue Numero Uno, dumbass, you're in love with him, _dumbass, this is a bad idea._

But no. Fine, then, _fine_ \- that didn't register. But what about when Steve immediately whipped out his phone and said, "I have a playlist, since we're going to be driving for so long-" Clue Number two, he made a fucking playlist, what a big fucking nerd- Bucky, this is Inner Bucky speaking, I am here to tell you that you are a _dumb fucking ass and this is a bad idea._ (Sub-Clue Number 2.5, he said "we're" wow, whoop-de-friggin' doo, but he said _we_ , but Bucky, _this is a bad idea._ ) 

Alright, Clue Number Two had no effect on Bucky's dense ass, so what's next? The first song that comes up is All I Want for Christmas, (Mariah fuckin' Carey, who else) and Steve mutters sheepishly, "Ah, I had to put a bunch of Christmas songs-" And Bucky is so fucking sold, you know? Not like those lyrics apply to him or anything, haha; not like when Bucky hums along to what's only the _most iconic Christmas song of all time_ he kinda hopes Steve will realize that maybe Bucky's thinking about him??? Yup that's Clue Number Three. Inner Bucky is ready to slam a _freight train_ of realization at Bucky, but Bucky's oblivious to all, oblivious that _this is a bad idea._

Clue Number Four, the playlist alternates from Christmas music, to indie rock, to Twenty-One Pilots, Bucky is head over heels and Inner Bucky is slamming pots and pans in the background of his mind, screaming, _you idiot, this! Is! A! Bad! Idea!_

Clue Number Five (five, can you even believe, we're at fucking five big-ass clues at this point) is when, three hours into the drive from Rhode Island to Maine, Steve falls asleep against the window and Bucky lowers the volume so he sleeps better, can't stop himself from smiling fondly at his friend, who has the _longest fucking eyelashes_ , and Steve's a huge guy but he looks so _sweet_ slouched like that- Inner Bucky is slamming his face into a wall, repeatedly, screaming in vain: _this is such a fucking bad idea!_

Nope, Clue Six, Seven and Eight all fly over Bucky's lovestruck head.

Clue Number Nine, Steve wakes up just at the five hour mark and insists- Nay, _forces,_ Bucky to let him take the wheel so he doesn't "drive himself insane, haha". God, the pun. At this point, Inner Bucky is taking a big-ass shovel and already digging a grave because _Bucky Barnes, you are a goddamned idiot and this is a bad, bad idea._

Clue Number Ten is just an internal musing, when Bucky remembers that literally everyone in his family jumps to conclusions like people jump off cliffs if they're adrenaline junkies or just really want to die- but even as Inner Bucky is groaning in frustration, Bucky really just doesn't realize how much of a problem this Christmas is going to be. He just doesn't come to his senses and see _how much of a bad idea this is._

\---

So, yes, Bucky is a bit slow on the uptake. No, actually, he's never even on the uptake, that's how slow he is, but then sometimes, it all hits at once. 

They arrive at Bucky's house around 3 PM, having driven since around 8. The front door opens before Bucky even knocks and Grandma Rose is immediately there, enveloping him into the biggest hug she can give, given she's half his height (okay, exaggeration). After Bucky pries himself from her arms, albeit a bit reluctantly (she smells like gingerbread cookies, Bucky's going to cry), Gran turns her attention on Steve.

"Oh!" She grabs him into a hug too, of course. "You must be Steve!" Bucky should know something is up by then, though he doesn't, but he only mentioned Steve's name once before, they've been close friends for a year now but-

"Yes, hello, nice to meet-" Steve is the poster boy for polite, happy introductions, ready to meet n' greet with the worst of them, but Gran won't have any of it.

"Such a pretty face!" Gran does not hold back with her compliments, and she hasn't even started talking about Steve's muscles yet, but Bucky'll give her until dinner, tops. "My, my, are we lucky to have you as a guest-"

Steve laughs graciously of course, the hint of a blush creeping over his "pretty face". (Yes, Bucky agrees whole-heartedly with Gran, yes, _yes, yes_ \- Inner Bucky pantomimes shooting himself because he can't believe Bucky can't see why this is all a _bad idea-_ ) As Steve lugs his duffel bag into the house upon Gran's invitation, she pulls Bucky down to her level with excitement.

"Bucky! Steve is such a nice boy, you are so lucky! You sure scored! Is that what they say when you get a nice boyfriend?"

And that's when all the clues that Bucky missed (Inner Bucky is delighted to see it all come hurtling together, _suck it, Bucky, you moron_ ) suddenly make a lot more sense, and make the situation a lot worse. Bucky is in love with Steve, and Steve is spending Christmas with him with Bucky's family, who all jump to conclusions the way Bucky wishes he could jump Steve- _oh Lord._

(Inner Bucky is scrambling around setting off firecrackers and whooping in triumph, finally, a revelation.)

_This is a bad idea._

\---

It takes only two minutes for that newfound realization to evolve into fully blown regret. 

Coincidentally, that syncs perfectly with when Steve meets Sam Wilson for the first time.

Okay, so Sam isn't technically related to Bucky, but at this point he's family, like that cousin that annoys you constantly, but you, being the glutton for punishment that you are, still enjoy seeing them every family gathering. Kind of like that. Their moms are friends, their grandmas are friends, they're friends. But after Sam sends that mischievous grin in Steve's direction, Bucky severely doubts if their friendship will survive Christmas. 

It's not that that grin means Sam's gonna make a move. No, it's the way those bright eyes flick from Steve to Bucky within a millisecond with a depth of false understanding. It's all Bucky can do to stop himself from screaming out loud, " _Fuck off, he's not my boyfriend!_ "

"Oh-hooo," Sam laughs, launching off the banister where he had been perching. Even the Santa hat on his head looks obnoxious. "So. _This_ is Steve." 

Sam doesn't even need to make a big deal out of it, Bucky's mentioned Steve to him before. They're just _friends._ And Sam knows that, so why is he smirking?

"Bucky, your mom did tell me you were bringing someone home," Sam winks, "But she didn't say it was Steve!" 

Actually, Bucky's willing to bet his life that his mother shouted exactly who Bucky was bringing home (including his height, build, and his grade report from eighth grade) from the rooftops, but Sam just likes pretending to be surprised. (Steve's six foot two, only two inches taller than Bucky, his shoulders are broad as fuck, and he got all As.) (Don't ask how Bucky knows this.)

Bucky has to take a moment to smooth a hand over his face, to compose himself.

"Steve," he gives Steve the most world-weary look he can muster, "This is Sam- Sam, this is Steve-"

"Hey, man," Sam, that charming _shit_ , reaches a hand out immediately and Steve shakes it, beaming that sunshine smile of his. "I'm Bucky's best friend-"

"No, no you're not-" Bucky scrunches his face-

"-But he's in denial about it," Sam finishes cheerfully. "And you must be Bucky's 'special someone', huh?"

"Um." Steve tilts his head and Bucky is this close to wrapping his hands around Sam's neck and squeezing until the birdbrain is dead. (Inner Bucky is screaming for blood right about now.)

"Sam!" As it is, Bucky has a hard time keeping his cool, but Sam is unperturbed. He just laughs again.

"Well, blame your mom for that, Bucky," he shrugs, then nods at Steve, "Well, I have to save Riley from cooking, now, or actually- save the cooking from Riley. See ya!" He pats Bucky on the shoulder as he turns toward the kitchen to collect his boyfriend.

Bucky does not make an embarrassing growling noise at Sam's retreating figure.

"He seems nice," Steve smiles in the manner of someone who does not yet truly know Sam Wilson. 

"Shyeah, right," Bucky rolls his eyes, "Wait till you see his true colors."

He almost goes on, he has a list of Sam's most abhorrent character traits, the way he hogs the couch cushions and the TV remote and the fact that he never moves his seat up in the car when Bucky asks- but then something hurtles down the stairs right into Bucky.

" _Buckaroo!_ "

Of course.

It's all Bucky can do to stay upright, but he hugs Becca back anyways. " _Butthead!_ " He shouts in retaliation. There's a huff as Becca slaps his arm and pulls away.

"Haha, funny, Buck," she sticks her tongue at him, like any real mature eighteen-year-old. Then she sees Steve, standing to the side a bit awkwardly, probably unsure if name-calling is a regular thing for the siblings (it is.)

" _Ooohhhh._ " She raises her eyebrows.

This does not bode well. 

"Is this _Steve?_ " Becca doesn't even wait for an answer before throwing her arms around him. She's always been more of the huggy type. "Wow, hey Steve! What's it like, putting up with Bucky all the time?" _He's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend_ \- Bucky is cringing so hard.

"He's alright, I s'pose," Steve laughs sheepishly but hugs her back (Inner Bucky is scandalized- " _alright_ "?? Thanks, Steve.), "Becca?"

"Yup, that's me," Becca beams at Steve- Great, another person to get along swell with Steve, lulling him into a false sense of security before things go batshit crazy in the family. 

"Bucky always says good things about you." Steve is a goddamn angel. He knows just how to make people smile.

In this case, however, it's a sly smile that graces Becca's face. "Oh? Really?" She leans closer to Bucky now and whispers really loudly into his ear, so that Steve can definitely hear, "Wow, Buck, nice piece of ass you got there- and a real smooth-talker too-"

"Becca!" Bucky can't help how red he's gotten, or the panicked apologetic look he's shooting Steve- Steve only laughs. Damn him. Relaxed and amused while Bucky's having a _fucking crisis_ here.

"Love you too, bro," Becca pecks him on the cheek and bounds back up to her room in a flash, "Sorry, Bucky, I've got work to do!" Then she's gone and Bucky's hiding his face in his hands.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry, Steve- they're so goddamn embarassing, I'm-"

Steve's still chuckling, the bastard. "No, Bucky, it's fine, really-"

"It's not fine, I should never have invited you if I'd known they'd be this terrible-" Bucky groans- there's no way he's taking his hand off his face anytime soon because he'd give the Communist manifesto a run for its money at this point. 

"Bucky," Steve stops laughing for a second, "Look, do you want me here?"

"Um, _yeah_ ," Bucky makes a face, "What kind of question is that?"

"Then it should be fine. I can deal with this, it's not the weirdest a family has been with me." Damn Steve and his honorable, tolerating, soft smiles. "Did you know that Nat's parents made me do ballet with them?"

"No. Way." Bucky gapes incredulously, "You're kidding!"

"Not even a little bit," Ruefully, Steve shakes his head. "Leotard and everythin'."

"You've got two left feet, dude, how-"

"Exactly-" He makes a face, "It was not fun. Also, I think Nat has pictures of it and she's been blackmailing me with them ever since." 

Good ol' Natasha- Bucky might have to ask her about those pictures. 

"Okay then," Bucky is calmer now, thank God. "Let's put our things down, shall we?" The guest room is downstairs, just past the stairs and facing the downstairs bathroom. Unfortunately, (Fortunately? Inner Bucky is rolling his eyes.) they'll be sharing the room, since Bucky's old bedroom had been converted into a study room for his dad. None of that "we kept it exactly the way you left it, honey" stuff. 

There are Christmas lights strung around the bed's headboard, which Bucky thinks is a nice touch and enough scented candles are lit to make the whole room smell like the inside of a Bath and Body Works.

"Ooh, Christmas Cheer," Steve, the _dork_ , lifts the candle so Bucky can see (Steve, the candle is _lit_ , there's _fire, put it down_ ). "My favorite." He reaches for another one, "Is that Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice? A _classic_ , that one." That cheeky grin is going to be the death of Bucky.

(Inner Bucky knows that it's already been established that Bucky is so fucking in love with Steve, but he's still making it known that this whole shebang is a _really bad idea_.)

\---

Venturing into the kitchen is a dangerous, but unavoidable, move. First of all, Winifred would be very disappointed if Bucky didn't even announce his arrival to the whole family, so there's that. Secondly, all three of Bucky's aunts are there so, he's gotta make his rounds. 

But it's dangerous because every female member of the family is there, and there's Riley (oh, no, Inner Bucky remembers last year- the oven didn't quite make it out of that one.) who Sam apparently could not convince to leave. The only reason why none of the men are there is because they always screw up and no one is screwing up Winifred's Christmas Eve feast, no way- (except Riley, no one can say no to him, he just wants to _help_ ).

"Mom," He greets her with a kiss to the cheek, careful not to get in the way of her brutally mashing the potatoes. (Who cares if it's not Thanksgiving, there will be mashed potatoes regardless.) 

"James!" She abandons the potatoes before grabbing his face. "Honey!"

"Hi," Bucky can't stop the small smile he gives her. "Merry Christmas!"

Winifred squeezes him so tight, he's aware that there's a meat cleaver at his back (yes, his mother uses a meat cleaver to mash potatoes, and it makes him uncomfortable.) Then he's flung aside.

Okay, not really, but then his mom is approaching Steve with a meat cleaver in one hand (Bucky sighs in relief when she leaves it on the counter right before hugging Steve too- but why didn't she put it down when she hugged _him?_ ). 

"Steve, I'm so glad you could make it," she gushes, "I've been hearing so much about you-" 

Um. That's a lie. To be honest, Bucky barely talks about his friends with his mom, it's strange, but those two parts of his life are so separate- his mom is blatantly lying- oh, but Steve is smiling so sweetly. _Dammit._

It's all nice and cheery for about three seconds before it all comes crashing down.

"Bucky, darling!" It's Aunt Tina's booming voice and she elbows her way to grab Bucky (Bucky loves her but she can be overwhelming-) "Sweetie! Is that Steve? The boyfriend that your mother told us about?"

Bucky freezes. Um. Okay, so his whole fucking family jumps to conclusions like rabbits jump right into snares, but? Now, Bucky sees how it's been possible that literally everyone's been making the same assumption. Of course.

There's a cold flash and then a heat wave- time freezes momentarily. Like the record scratch and freeze frame meme. 

Bucky replays his phone conversation with his mom, from a week ago. 

_"Hey, Mom, I was wondering if I could bring someone to Christmas this year?"_

 _"Oh, of course, honey! Who? Do I know them?"_

 _

"Not really- just my friend, Steve. He didn't really have anywhere to spend Christmas, so I figured-"

_

Bucky figures the rest of his sentence must have been irrelavent after "just my friend, Steve". But, where had he even mentioned boyfriend? Significant other? He might have fallen for Steve months ago, but Bucky sure as hell isn't obvious about it. 

Then it registers. 

"Friend."

Bucky is suddenly attacked by a vivid onslaught of memories from sophomore year of high school. He'd had a friend named Johnny back then, like, legitamently a friend. At least, until they figured out kissing each other was actually more fun than just playing basketball together. 

A "friend". A "friend" that his mom had seen him kissing- oh _God_ , she had really lost something in translation there- she'd thought he meant- 

Present time- Bucky's face is honestly so red it might just melt off or something, he's grabbing Steve's arm and pulling him out of the kitchen, past Bucky's other two aunts and Sam's mom, _goodbye, folks, nothing to see here_ (Inner Bucky is simultaneously looking on smugly and crying in mortification). Steve's protesting a bit the whole time but, nope, Bucky doesn't have time for this- 

There's a convenient supply closet just by the kitchen in the hallway that Bucky makes a beeline for because if he waits any longer to stop this madness, he might actually die. Thankfully the closet hasn't gotten any more full since three years ago, so they both fit and there's a light switch so they're not in the dark. 

"Steve." Bucky gasps the second he closes the door, not even looking at Steve, "Okay. _Okay_. This is gonna sound pretty weird but I think that everyone in my _entire family_ thinks you're my boyfriend and-"

"It's because your mom told them that?" 

The breath whooshes out of Bucky- so Steve gets it then, okay- okay. That's good. Not that Steve would ever blame Bucky for this, he knows that, but there was still that fear squeezing his chest. "I'm really, really sorry, Steve, this is a mess-"

"Hey-" Steve gives Bucky a little nudge until he finally looks Steve in the face, "It's fine. Totally. It's honestly kinda flattering and everyone knows my name already." 

Okay, that has Bucky feeling a whole lot better. Steve is not overly disturbed by this, Steve is not going to pick up that stupid American flag duffel bag of his and walk out the door. "Thanks, Steve."

"No problem. After all, that food looks good, I can't just skip out on it, can I?" What a _little shit_. Hopefully, Steve can't read minds or some freaky-deaky stuff because that sounded terribly like he knew Bucky thought he would leave. Just in case, Bucky squints slightly thinking, _I really, really love you,_ in Steve's general direction. 

Nope, nothing. 

Steve just does the head-tilt thing and asks, "Are you okay?" 

"Yep, I'm fine," Breezily, Bucky reaches for the doorknob behind Steve, "Well, let's just clear the air now, the sooner we get it over with the better."

"No, wait-" Steve grabs Bucky's wrist before he can open the door. 

"What?"

"I don't know-" Sucking in a breath, Steve does that thing where he rubs the back of his neck because he's uncomfortable. Great, _now_ he's uncomfortable. "It's just. How long has it been since you brought home a boyfriend for the holidays?"

Um. Never.

Bucky's face probably says it all. 

"Bucky, you're always telling me about how your ma wants to see you happy with someone and she's been so excited to finally get that..."

"Oh my god, you're _right_ ," groans Bucky, "I've set her up for failure, what if she thinks I lied to her? Oh, she'll probably cry- what do I _do_ , Steve? I can't take her when she cries- can I just stand at a distance and chuck tissues at her or something?" Honestly, Bucky's considering that option, or maybe bribing Becca to help him comfort her is a good idea. When his mom cries, it's not just crying. It's _wailing_. It's _snotty_. It's a _mess_ that Bucky doesn't want to touch with a ten foot pole, unless he's impaling himself with it.

"Or we could just..." Steve shrugs, " _Not._ "

"Not what?"

"Not clear the air." He says that the way you would say "simple" or "easy".

The implications of what Steve is saying dawn on Bucky. But not dawn. More like a sunset because that's the end of a day, because the metaphorical day is actually Bucky's life _because he's fucking dying._

Bucky shakes his head wildly, "No, Steve, we can't do that- I mean, that's morally-morally-"

"I know, but look me in the eye and tell me you're prepared to face all of their expressions, because I know I can't." Steve's serious now, and more importantly, he's right. Bucky could never handle the disappointment in their eyes, especially not for the holidays.

Bucky does _not_ make a high-pitched sound of distress when he realizes that Steve is completely right, and that he is truly, royally fucked up the ass. 

(Inner Bucky is shaking- _this is not good, no, not good at all, what kind of shit-storm is he getting himself into now-_ )

"But what about after-" This is a last ditch attempt. (Inner Bucky has already given up trying to patch up the tears in Bucky's resolve, completely abandoned bailing water out of the valiant vessel, S.S. Bucky's Self-Control.)

Of course, Steve has the answer. "We can 'break it off'-" he makes cute little air quotes, Bucky is _done for_ \- "Afterwards, like I dunno, you can call her in January or something, tell her I broke your heart-"

"Never," Bucky is adamant in that, no, he couldn't get his mother to hate Steve, that'd be a cruel fate. She'd go after him with several meat cleavers then. "We'll do the 'better as friends' thing."

"So it's a plan?"

Great, he'd been roped into this. "Mmmmm..."

Steve's smiling now, he knows he's won. "Bucky..."

"Fine. Just so I don't have to deal with any emotional breakdowns this Christmas," Bucky huffs but his heart skips too many beats and Inner Bucky is getting ready to tear off an arm and beat Bucky with it because _you dumbfuck, what are you even doing-_

"Wait wait _wait_ \- but," Bucky stops Steve from opening the door this time. "What about like... PDA?" Oh fucking boy.

"Are you uncomfortable with anything in particular?" That warm concern in Steve's eyes is not helping any matters. "I'll make sure to avoid them-"

" _No_ \- I mean, yes- No," Great God, Bucky's an idiot, "What about you though?"

"I'll be fine," waving him off, Steve offers a crooked smile, "Didn't I tell you I took a drama class three out of four years in high school?"

"You- what? No," Bucky's protesting, this had never come up before, why didn't he know Steve was a _drama nerd_ -

Steve holds out a hand, grinning in his satisfaction. "Come on then, time to make everyone happy." 

Bucky grumbles when he takes Steve's hand but inside, there's just a whirlwind of emotion and it kinda feels like his stomach has become a dark void. 

They step out of the supply closet holding hands.

_This bad idea is getting worse._


	2. The Very Christmas Bad Idea Gets Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyday you get to hold hands with the guy you've been crushing hard on, pretending that you're boyfriends, but Bucky can't will his hands to stop sweating. Actually, Bucky doesn't have much will left at this point, he's pretty sure he's deceased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIGHT I'M SO TIRED. I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO, BUT ITS ALMOST TEN PM. :) I. KINDA HATE MYSELF.  
> ENOUGH ABOUT THAT
> 
> READ AND ENJOY SO MY SACRIFICE WAS NOT FOR NOTHING. 
> 
> KUDOS AND COMMENTS WILL BRING ME BACK TO LIFE, SINCE I AM NOW DECEASED.
> 
> Day 5/25 of 25 Days of Stuckmas <3

For the most part, the family doesn't seem fazed by the sudden escape that Bucky and Steve pulled, maybe they're just accustomed to random outbursts. (They are.)

Aunt Tina congratulates them warmly when they return to the kitchen, (why, Bucky has no idea, because it's not like they're engaged or something), Mrs. Wilson grabs Bucky into a hug claiming she has't seen him in _forever_ (it's been a month since Thanksgiving). Both his other aunts, Aunt Patricia and Auntie Laura, (Auntie Laura had been married to Uncle Gareth, but then Gareth had passed a couple years back, which is all irrelevant information except Bucky is so nervous holding Steve's hand that he's basically explaining his whole family tree at this point) decide that Bucky and Steve are the cutest possible couple and take a dozen pictures with them.

Bless Steve's heart, he's just nodding as he listens to Bucky's background commentary on the history of his family, returning hugs like Bucky's aunts aren't literally strangers to him and probably ignoring just how extremely _fucking sweaty_ Bucky's hands are. 

Not everyday you get to hold hands with the guy you've been crushing hard on, pretending that you're boyfriends, but Bucky can't will his hands to stop sweating. Actually, Bucky doesn't have much will left at this point, he's pretty sure he's deceased.

Only Bucky's mom seems particularly bothered, she even ignores her mashed potatoes momentarily for him, yet again. 

"Honey, what was that all about?" She peers at him worriedly, "It's not like you to just run off like that."

Well, it's not every day that- well, Bucky doesn't want to go into detail how this Christmas Eve is literally nothing like any Christmas Eve before. 

"Nothing," He gives a laugh that actually doesn't sound suspicious at all, very impressive. "I was just-"

"Showing me my early Christmas present," Steve interjects to Bucky's relief, before he can bullshit some crappy excuse. "He completely forgot he'd promised to give to me."

"Yeah," Bucky has to turn and smile gratefully at Steve, and Steve promptly responds by swiftly swooping in for a peck on the cheek.

Fuck. _Fuck._ Bucky might have turned every possible shade of red there was, not to mention the squeak that came from his mouth. _Fuck,_ he had not expected that, not the quick brush of those pretty pink lips on his cheek- (Inner Bucky is trying to gouge his eyes out, he can't stand to see how obvious Bucky is being anymore.)

 _Fuck. It's all over._ This is officially the worst idea he's ever had- no, wait, this was Steve's idea. Blame Steve. Blame- Bucky recovers quickly enough to see the flash of Steve's grin- no, he can't blame Steve at all, not one bit. 

This is Bucky's fault, cause he's such a dumbass, he thought bringing Steve home for Christmas would be a good idea. Exactly _what kind_ of psychedelic drug had he been on?

Meanwhile, Bucky's mom has withdrawn from examining him, evidently satisfied because she has returned her attention to the potatoes once again. Bucky is just about to turn away, the doorbell just rang, he thinks, when he hears a massive sniff.

" _Mom_ ," he gasps, "Are you _crying_ into the mashed potatoes-"

" _No_ ," Winifred retorts quickly, but doesn't show her face again, "No, I'm not- I'm-"

Bucky's laughing incredulously, "Wow, you're seriously-? Oh my god, don't get any snot in there, please-"

She makes a face at him immediately, eyes noticably red-rimmed, "Go- go _make out_ somewhere or something, whatever you people do nowadays-" Maybe there's a watery laugh at the end there- wow, she is genuinely happy about this, Bucky cannot believe, but then Steve's tugging him gently out of the kitchen.

"The doorbell rang," Steve reminds him. Right. Right. Bucky catches himself looking at Steve's face a little too long, that face had been next to his, so close he'd felt Steve's breath- oh fucking boy, Bucky is not going to survive this. 

Bucky opens the door to late afternoon light, smiling because he already knows who it is. "Junior!" 

"Bucky!" Junior, Bucky's adopted cousin (an actual cousin, the one you genuinely liked and looked up to when you were a kid, not the annoying one) crushes Bucky into a hug. "I didn't know you were going to get here earlier than us!"

"I didn't either," Bucky beams at Junior. "Didn't you guys leave earlier than me though? What happened?"

"Took an unexpected detour," chuckles Junior.

"Junior got lost," Janice deadpans from behind her husband.

"Yeah, there's a really good burger place by here, you know-" Junior muses conversationally. 

"We only went there because he took five wrong turns," Janice sighs. 

"-and the people at the place were so nice, I mean, the service was great-" Junior continued.

"-I had to ask for directions to the freeway," Janice rolls her eyes and finally decides to elbow Junior out of the way to give Bucky his hug. "Merry Christmas, Bucky."

"Merry Christmas," Bucky loves Christmas because of the perpetually fond smile on his own face, because Janice is a sister to him and he loves seeing everyone and he's feeling so warm that even sarcastic, biting Inner Bucky has shut up- "Where's Madison?"

"Here!"

Gran appears from behind Junior and Janice, toting their daughter in her arms.

" _Mads!_ " Bucky does not have a special voice just for his niece, no, he doesn't, "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Buck!" Madison is five and probably the sweetest child Bucky's ever met, besides that time when she puked all over him (she'd been a year old) but that was ancient history. She wriggles out of Gran's grasp to hug his legs- and her Santa hat looks everything but obnoxious. 

Then he realizes there's a hand on his shoulder.

Shit, he'd actually forgotten Steve was standing there- if Junior's family helped distract him from his current dilemma, Bucky just might have to spend every waking moment with them.

He clears his throat awkwardly, just realizing that Junior and Janice are looking at him semi-expectantly now that the front door is closed. Right, introductions. In Bucky's defense, he's never done this before, real boyfriend or not. 

"Guys, this is Steve, my boyfriend-" Bucky swears his tongue almost shrivels at the word, not because Bucky doesn't like it but because it's a _fucking lie_ \- "Stevie," _shit, that slipped out_ , "This is my cousin Junior and his wife, Janice, and this-" Bucky hoists Mads into his arms, just for moral support, "Is my niece, Madison."

Handshakes, hugs, the whole package. Junior doesn't even do the sizing up thing, he just engulfs Steve into the same hug he gave Bucky- Bucky thanks God for his hug-aholic family, and Madison pats Steve's hair in a friendly manner. 

"Mom, I'm here!" Junior bellows as he walks into the kitchen, Aunt Tina rushes to greet him, Steve and Bucky lean against doorway, kind of just taking a minute to breathe, finally. With Junior's arrival, the attention is no longer focused on them and the reprieve is much appreciated.

Well, Steve probably appreciates his reprieve. He's not freaking out over an arm around his shoulders like Bucky is. Not freaking out over the casual way they're standing side by side. Nope. Nope. _Nope._

"So. Your mom cried of happiness," Steve whispers confidentially, "I'd say that's a mission accomplished."

Bucky has to admit he's right. "Don't get so smug," he grumbles.

"Also, ' _Stevie_ '?" Steve is suddenly very, too much, _extremely_ close to Bucky's ear. Every syllable sends heat fanning over Bucky's face, oh _God._

"Um," He stammers, kind of frozen, "I'm sorry, it just-"

" _No,_ " that low laugh should be fucking _illegal_ , dammit, "I kind of like it." 

Bucky gulps so hard that there's no way Steve doesn't hear it. "Yeah?" His heart is hammering so rapidly, it'd give a construction worker a run for their money. Bucky's metaphors aren't making any sense and Inner Bucky knows it. 

"Sure. What should I call you then? Sweetie-pie? Honey buns?" 

So, yeah, it doesn't really hurt at all, being suddenly reminded this all pretend, almost a game or a joke. 

"No thanks," mutters Bucky, maybe aware that he suddenly sounds lackluster. But Steve just nudges his slightly, leans even closer.

"Sure thing, babe."

  
_Rest In Pieces_  
_James Buchanan Barnes_  
_(March 20, 1994- December 24, 2016)_  
_He died too young, loved too hard, and was also a dumbass._  


If there was even a little remnant of hope, a little sliver of faith left in Bucky that he could possibly escape minimally scathed, it's gone.

There's no way this bad idea can get any worse.

\---

And yet, as things are apt to do, at least in Bucky's case, it does.

It all snowballs (not literally, sadly, because Bucky borderline wishes he could freeze to death or maybe sleep for seventy years, give or take a few, in sub-zero degree temperatures and emerge with no memories of this horrifying incident) from there, when Gran calls out that it's time to start decorating the gingerbread cookies.

At first, Bucky thinks, _yes, finally, something I can enjoy to forget about this fucking fiasco._

Inner Bucky hoots, having enough foresight to know that _that ain't fucking happening, Buck-o._

Gran leads the troop of decorators, which include: Bucky, Steve, Becca, Sam, Mads, Junior, and Janice. The Aunts (Tina, Patricia, and Laura) as well as Bucky's mom are still bustling about the kitchen cooking the "real food". Oh. And Riley. Sam winces every time he hears Riley's voice from the kitchen, while Bucky both enjoys his misery and also prays that this year, the honey ham will be safe.

_Please, God, spare the honey ham. Anything but the honey ham._

Meanwhile, the Decorators, capital D now, assemble themselves in the dining room, laying out all the cookies and frosting and sprinkles and edible beads out on the long, rectangular dining table. Wax paper is everywhere and the smell of gingerbread is overwhelming-

"God, that smells amazing," Steve sighs happily. Bucky hums his agreement, settling Mads on his lap at the table.

"Bucky, you're hogging my daughter," Junior half-whines from across the table.

"Look, man," Bucky does not relinquish his hold on the five-year-old, who isn't in a hurry to get away anyways, "If I only get to see her like five times a year, I should be able to enjoy it as much as I can, right?"

"He's right," Janice sing-songs, then hands her husband a gingerbread man. "Okay, Junior, ready to get your decorating butt kicked?"

"Excuse _you_ -" Junior is not to be bested.

Ah, domestic disputes over who can decorate cookies the best, Bucky's favorite.

After that, everything is a free for all; grab what you need, pass it off, grab something else, make the prettiest goddamn gingerbread gals/pals/non-binary pals you can. Sam gets frosting on Bucky's nose. Bucky almost gets frosting in Sam's ear. They only stop when Mads complains about being jostled on Bucky's lap too much, and that's when decorating gets serious.

Except it doesn't, not for Bucky, because Steve's chair is pulled so close to his that their shoulders brush every time Steve reaches for something and their arms are constantly touching.

It shouldn't be this distracting, but it fucking is. _Go fucking figure._

Steve isn't even affected- he's just putting his major in fine arts to good use, fucking decorating gingerbread cookies. 

And every so often, goddamn him, Steve leans in real close to whisper something in his ear- and it's usually something like, "Can you please pass me the blue frosting?" or "Hey, want to use these sprinkles?" or even "Yo, you still have frosting on your face." But Bucky's face still heats up every time and he _knows what it looks like_ , the gentle smiles Steve gives him and how unnecessarily close they're sitting next to each other, and how Bucky can't stop from leaning into Steve's warmth while covering a cookie completely in green frosting of all things.

What is he even _doing_ , honestly. He's not even thinking about the cookies, he just wants to smear some frosting on Steve's unfairly perfect face and kiss him in front of everyone (Inner Bucky, who is slightly more manipulative and selfish at times, reasons that Steve wouldn't pull away, right? But no, that's invasion of privacy and no one ever said that Inner Bucky is right all the time.) 

Every so often, when Steve feigns their relationship remarkably well, Bucky catches Becca rolling her eyes, but the slight quirk to her mouth says that she's happy for him.

 _Oh, if only she knew_ , he thinks tiredly.

And it gets worse when Junior starts taking requests to make personalized gingerbread cookies; the one of Sam turns out looking like a disaster and Bucky takes the opportunity to regain his snark and say, "Wow, horrifying, just like real life." (Bucky gets more frosting on his face at that, and he has half a mind to dare Steve to lick it off he says one more thing about it.) 

Mads turns out cute-looking, if only vaquely blob shaped. Gran looks accurate, at least, her glasses are characteristically located in the head region. (No one ever said that Junior was the best at decorating.) 

"Anyone else want one, before I run out of artistic talent," Junior jokes.

"Me, Junior," Bucky laughs, "Do me next."

"Oh, baby, I'd do you anytime."

Silence. Did Steve. _Just._

_Jesus. FUcking. Christ._

  
_Rest In Pieces_  
_James Buchanan Barnes_  
_(March 20, 1994- December 24, 2016)_  
_He regrets opening his mouth, regrets life, regrets having Steve over._  


The table erupts into laughter, even Gran is wiping tears from her eyes, Sam is banging on the table, shaking, Becca is shrieking with laughter- Mads is severely confused, the poor child, but Bucky, oh _God_ \- he's hiding his face in Steve's ugly Christmas sweater, sure he'll never come out to show his face again. 

"I'm so sorry," Steve giggles into his ear, wrapping sturdy arms around Bucky, "Buck, oh my God-"

"F- _screw_ you," Bucky mutters into his shirt, "I hate you, _I hate you,_ I-" He's going to fucking explode out of embarrassment, no wonder he never brought anyone home for holidays, this _is fucking why._

Sam is still roaring with laughter, Janice has her head down on the table, shoulders heaving, Bucky wants to throw himself out of a vehicle moving at a thousand miles per hour and hopefully die.

He really wishes it could get better from there.

It really fucking doesn't. 

\---

Bucky's dad gets home from work at six, working at the big-shot law firm that he does, Christmas Eve off is not exactly an option.

"My boy!" Jonathan Barnes is exuberant to say at the least, and maybe if he weren't four inches shorter than Bucky (honestly no one knows how Bucky grew to be six feet) he'd lift him clear off the ground.

"You must be Steve," Bucky's dad pumps Steve's hand up and down, not the professional handshake, but the over-excited one that Bucky grew up with, "It's real nice to have you over, son."

 _Son._ Oh, Bucky's hurting inside.

"I hear you're a lawyer, Mr. Barnes?" Steve smiles like he's really interested (for all Bucky knows, he is, Steve's acting has been scarily on point so far) and that's all it takes for the two of them to hit it off better than Bucky could have dreamed. 

(Bucky wishes he'd never dreamed of introducing Steve to his family as his boyfriend, because the reverie is rapidly growing bland and tasteless in comparison to the "real" thing. The not-real thing, then. The fake thing. _Yikes._ )

Turns out, Peggy, Steve's childhood friend (that Bucky had yet to meet, which suddenly reminds Bucky that even though they're close friends, he still doesn't know so many things about Steve, and by God, that hurts more than it's supposed to.) is currently working her own way through Yale, so yes, Steve does have a genuine interest in the field of law.

Bucky stands there, hand unconsciously gripping Steve's tighter than he's aware of, watching as Steve's face lights up about something- but he's not really paying attention to the words anymore, just the expressions on Steve's face, his laugh, his occasional glance back at Bucky.

_Rest In Pieces_  
_James Buchanan Barnes_  
_(March 20, 1994- December 24, 2016)_  
_He was in love with Steve Fucking Rogers, and look where it got him._  


\---

By the time Christmas Eve dinner actually starts, Bucky has been harassed and laughed at because of Steve's joke, Steve has slung an arm over his shoulder twice, hugged him once more (" _Bucky, I'm sorry, I swear, the joke just slipped out-_ ") and delicately wiped frosting off his nose with a napkin.

Bucky's not sure how much more of this he can take, if at all. Every time Steve makes eye contact with him, it's simultaneously a warm glance, like they're sharing a secret (which, Bucky remembers they are, but not the lovey-dovey kind) and like Bucky's stuck a metal fork into an electrical socket. He'd rather it be completely the latter option, just so he can fully die every time, not just have a semi-death, where Inner Bucky hums the tune to the funeral march in his head only to realize he's still _fucking alive._

It's seven when dinner is called to order (it's not nearly as formal as it sounds, there's much scrambling for seats and table settings and Riley almost trips with a giant bowl of salad in his hands.) and Bucky is ready to eat his feelings to an outrageous degree, go to sleep, spend Christmas with his crazy family, and forget this shitstorm ever happened. 

The Christmas music that fills the air makes Bucky smile slightly and hum under his breath- until he remembers how fucked he is, that is. Boy, he's never going to catch a break.

"Here ya go, Bucky," Steve appears at Bucky's side with a Santa hat, startling him out of that particular tangent, "Your ma gave this to me for you." Easily, he slides the hat onto Bucky's head, adjusting a stray lock of hair that falls into Bucky's face. Damn Bucky and the way his breath catches.

"Aren't you going to wear anything?" He grumbles, because honestly grumbling is the only way he can cover his racing pulse. _God._

"Oh yeah, check this out," Steve, the _nerd_ , whips out a elf hat. "This right here. I'm Santa's _helper._ " A _wink._ At Bucky.

"That," Bucky swallows too fast, too hard again- grumbling has become an ineffective, "Has some _terrifying_ implications, Steve."

"Just the way I like it- plenty of subtext," teasing Steve is an evil Steve, Bucky decides. He lets Steve tug him to the dinner table where everyone else is just settling in. Bucky plops down, exhausted, but Steve slides easily into his seat, showing no sign of emotional fatigue. How the hell? Oh, right, he hasn't been screaming FUCK in his head nonstop since they arrived here.

Becca sits down on Bucky's left, the bells on her elf socks jangling cheerfully. Junior and Janice sit on her left, with Madison in between them. (She's sitting on two dictionaries, law textbook, and a phonebook to reach the table.) At the head of the table on the left side, sits Bucky's dad, and his mom sits at the other head. Across from Bucky's side of the table sit the Aunts (Tina, Patricia, Laura), Grandma Rose, and finally, Sam and Riley.

It is also important to note that everyone at the table is either wearing a Santa or elf hat, or reindeer antlers. _Also_ , this year, the ham is golden and intact and _beautiful_ , which Riley seems particularly happy about. 

Not being particularly religious, they don't say grace before eating but, there is a specific Christmas tradition that applies. 

Apple cider and champagne are poured all around before Jonathan taps his glass with a spoon, quite mildly. He clears his throat.

"So, to start off, I'd like to say Merry Christmas to this entire wonderful family," Bucky finally feels his worry start to leave at the warm fuzzies bubbling at his heart. (Inner Bucky credits the champagne that Bucky sneaked a few sips of, even though you can't really get _drunk_ from it.) "Even those who are not here with us, Gareth, _cough_ , Gareth." 

Everyone laughs at the jab at Uncle Gareth- ever the jokester, Gareth had asked for passive aggressive comments to be made for him at every missed holiday, before he died.

It made things a lot more sweet than bitter, Bucky thinks.

"Merry Christmas, especially to my wonderful wife and my amazing kids." Jonathan lifts his glass to them, his Merry Christmas short and definitely sweet- They all raise their glasses back, even Steve, who definitely catches on quick. Then the previous speaker gets to pick the next person, so Jonathan says, "Okay, Becca, your turn."

Becca makes a face, but stands up willingly. 

"Merry Christmas to Mom, Dad, Bucky, and the newbie, Steve-" Steve huffs a laugh, "-also Merry Christmas especially for Janice- minus the five-year old, you're the only female here within twenty years of my age, sis." Janice chortles aloud to everyone's amusement and they all raise their glasses to Becca. "Buckaroo, it's your turn," Becca croons predictably. She seems way too interested in what Bucky might say.

Too bad for her, Bucky's as smooth and suave as they come, what with his lying abilities and his fake boyfriend. (insert nervous laughter here.)

"Um," _smooth as fuck_ , Bucky is, "Merry Christmas to everyone, I'm glad we're able to spend this time together-" Maybe he's avoiding their eyes, so he zeros in on his mom and dad, "Especially to Mom and Dad, I always miss you so much-" oh _shit_ , did he overdo it? Crap, his mom's eyes are definitely watering, _shit_ \- "And, uh, to Stevie-"

Yeah, his mouth clamps shut at that. Eloquent speech or not, everyone raises their glasses to him anyways, though Bucky's mom looks like she's going to burst into tears. Well, Bucky tried.

"Anyways," Bucky finishes lamely, "Steve, why don't you try this out for the first time?" ( _And the last,_ Inner Bucky adds.) 

_Damn Steve_ and the easy way he stands, not uncomfortable with the situation at all. Bucky may or may not heave a sigh and begins to drop into his chair, except Steve's hand grabs his. 

"Wait, I kinda want you standing while I go," Steve laughs, "Don't be in such a hurry."

 _Oh. Okay._ Bucky nods mutely, maybe smiling too wide so he forces himself to relax a little bit.

"Firstly, Merry Christmas to every one of you, thank you so much for welcoming me," Steve squeezes Bucky's hand a bit, and _fuck Steve_ and his smooth words, the way everyone is hanging onto every syllable. "And Merry Christmas especially to Bucky-" Unexpectedly the full force of Steve's earnest eyes is on Bucky, and there's that hand-squeeze again- is he nervous or something? "-Thanks." This time, Steve lightly drags his thumb over Bucky's knuckles when he speaks, and the feeling is distracting enough that Bucky doesn't even react when Steve kisses him.

  
_Rest In Pieces_  
_James Buchanan Barnes_  
_(March 20, 1994- December 24, 2016)_  
_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK_  


\---

Dinner is a blur. Nothing really tastes memorable, not even the _fucking ham._ If Bucky were even aware of anything, he'd be sad, but the thing is, he is _not_ aware of anything.

Things register, but only faintly. Madison's Merry Christmas included something about a pet unicorn. Sam and Riley tried to French kiss in front of everyone in an attempt to "out-gay Bucky and Steve" but Bucky kind of remembers people screaming in horror. Maybe he was one of them. 

Bucky had had a full intention of stuffing himself but at this point, he's eating robotically. Some conversation is directed at him, he does fine at pretending he's engaged in interaction. 

One mouthful of food. Answer one question. _Steve kissed me, his hands were in my hair, the santa hat fell off._ One mouthful of food. Insult Sam. _Steve kissed me, I think I grabbed the front of his sweater, his hat definitely came off._ Drink some champagne. Nod at something Steve asks. _Steve kissed me, he was smiling the whole time. Steve_ -

Steve tucks a foot around Bucky's ankle and that's the only thing keeping Bucky from running for the hills screaming expletives. 

Later, they all sit in front of the TV and watch Home Alone and (strangely enough) the Sound of Music, which isn't even a Christmas movie. The gingerbread cookies are devoured indiscriminately with milk. None of the details even stick to Bucky, everything has a muffled quality.

Yes, he is aware that he and Steve are sharing an armchair. Yes, he is definitely aware that Steve is running his hands through Bucky's hair once and a while. Yes, he knows that Steve hasn't stopped holding his hand since _what happened._

_What even happened?_

Later, Bucky vaguely knows that he is brushing his teeth, and the toothpaste is burning his mouth, he's been brushing for so long. He showers in a haze, looks into the fogged up glass when he gets out of the shower, walks out to let Steve have his turn. 

Yeah, sure, Steve looks like heaven on earth in a bathtowel, but Bucky almost doesn't notice. He's laying on one side of the bed, clutching a pillow to his chest. 

And sure, he knows they're talking while Steve pulls on his pajamas, but he doesn't really know what they're saying. Eventually, Steve rolls into bed as well with a sketchbook in hand. 

"Mind if I stay up a little?" Steve asks, leaving the bedside lamp next to him on, "Won't take long, I promise."

Bucky thinks he says something like, _Yeah, sure._

When Steve does turn off the light, leaving the room dark except for the string of lights on the headboard, Bucky is still not asleep.

"Goodnight," Steve whispers, "Buck. You okay?"

"Goodnight," Bucky laughs, not too loud, not too soft. He's proud of himself. "I'm fine." 

_I'm fine._

_Rest In Pieces_  
_James Buchanan Barnes_  
_(March 20, 1994- December 24, 2016)_  
_Not fucking fine._  
_FUck this._  
_Not enough space on a single fucking gravestone_  
_someone might as well get him the whole fucking cemetery so every fucking gravestone can just read, "FUCK" over and over again_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My twitter is @capconspicuous!  
> COME  
> SAY  
> HI  
> Pleaseeeeeeee <3  
> ALSO: comment and tell me which gravestone is your favorite!!


	3. A Very Christmas Bad Idea Gets Worse-er

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they were really boyfriends, Bucky knows what he would do. He would probably reach down to tousle Steve's hair a little more, brush it back from his face. Bucky would probably give in, Bucky wouldn't even have to resist in the first place, he would lean down and give him a little kiss on those perfect lips-
> 
> "We should go outside." Steve says as if they were going to do anything else- if they were really boyfriends, they would, Bucky supposes, but he decides that he's not going to think about that for the rest of the day. "You know- before they burn down the house or something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LONG LAST IT IS DONE. I HAVE WORKED ON THIS FOR 5+ DAYS. I HAVE SUFFERED A GREAT DEAL. PLEASE.
> 
> A CONCLUSION. FINALLY.  
> I'M TIRED AND BEHIND.  
> Day 7/25 of 25 Days of Stuckmas
> 
> KUDOS. COMMENTS. I'M DYING.

Bucky's funeral procession is actually the greatest fucking thing. No one's really crying they're all pretty entertained, he thinks, by the male strippers dancing atop his coffin, or maybe because Dumbledore's at the podium, not even making a speech, just enjoying the view because hey, plot twist, apparently Dumbledore is _gay as fuck._

Sam and Riley are actually in a corner... getting married by the looks of the guy between them, solemnly reciting their vows- Bucky supposes it's only right that Sam celebrates Bucky's death by getting married to the love of his own life. 

Some time later, Bucky can't really distinguish when, the strippers are wearing onesies now and the National Anthem blares in the background as Steve replaces Dumbledore at the podium. 

"I just want to say a few words, before we let Bucky down one more time," Steve is eloquent and so fucking dapper in his suit, "Bucky was a loyal friend, a caring soul, a true moron to an unbelievable degree. We are gathered here today to honor his- _just kidding_ , good luck in the afterlife, buddy-"

Everyone in the audience laughs, those fuckers, as Steve strolls off the stage languidly, _that fucker_ , Bucky thinks that someone dead shouldn't have to go through this too, isn't being dead punishment enough?

But then Steve's next to Bucky, really so warm, and Bucky's like, _right, I'm dead right?_

"That's depends- do you want to be dead?" Steve asks like it's the most casual question in the world, which it is.

"Yes." Bucky's not even kidding. 

"Cool. You know, you can't just eat birthday cake for dinner."

 _What the fuck_ , Bucky thinks, just a little because that makes no sense, but lo and behold, he's carrying a plateful of birthday cake. He's about to respond in a likewisely random fashion but then Steve is kissing Bucky softly again and the birthday cake falls, because _fuck you, birthday cake_ \- Steve's tie looks so fucking nice, a rich royal blue, and it's soft between Bucky's fingers-

But then, suddenly, everyone is laughing uproariously, and as much as Bucky wants to ignore them, he can't. He turns around, everyone in the family is laughing, and not even in the mean way but Bucky looks down and oops. _He's not fucking wearing pants._

"Yo- good morning-"

Needless to say, Bucky's pretty fucking grateful to be awake. Even if his heart jumps a little too fast when he pries his eyes open to see Steve laying there, hair messed up and blankets pulled up to his shoulder. Bucky sighs, lets his head fall back onto his pillow. Great.

Well, at least his brain seems to be back in working condition.

Distantly he is aware that he's slept a whole night in the same bed as Steve and he's still alive. Hasn't combusted. Not even worse for wear. And then, he realizes that everything kind of smells like Steve's shampoo, something almost sweet, something warm, like spring.

_Oh my fucking God, I smell like him_ , Bucky throws a hand over his face, can't help the shuddering breath he draws in. 

"What time is it," Bucky's voice is always hoarse in the morning but he sounds wrecked today. 

"Mmm... maybe seven."

"You're _kidding_ ," Bucky groans. They probably slept at twelve last night, the point of vacation is to catch up on sleep, they're both _college students_ , why is Steve awake-

"Why-" Before Bucky can even finish his sentence Steve holds up a hand, like, _give it a moment_.

The piercing scream catches Bucky off guard, but not as much as the crash of their door opening and something small shooting onto their bed.

"It's _Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!_ " It's Mads, and she's screaming and jumping on their bed, and there's an _oof_ when her five-year-old foot gets Steve right in the midsection. " _Wake up_ , Bucky! And Uncle Steve! Time to open _presents!_ " (Uncle Steve? Inner Bucky's pretty sure this is psychological warfare or some shit.)

She's still jumping and hollering (they've both shifted to the sides of the bed just to avoid getting stepped on) when a second person runs into their room.

" _Whooooooo, Christmas!_ "

It's Becca, and she lands right on top of Bucky, elbows into his back, a knee in his thigh, she's giggling like a child now and if Bucky weren't in mortal peril, he'd laugh too. As it is, he's got his face pressed into the pillow and he's pretty sure Steve's laughing at him, _wonderful._

"Up and at 'em, you sloths!" She yells into Bucky's ear, "We have gifts to unwrap, breakfast to make, candy canes to eat! Up! _Get outta bed!_ "

Bucky wants to just die, thanks. 

"Steve, you too! Hope this bed is safe to be jumping on, amirite?" There's no ignoring the teasing tone in her voice.

Rebecca Barnes better get her ass ready for a kicking later.

Yeah, Bucky was fine with his dream, his dream was fucking great. This? Not so much. 

Combined with Mads' incessant screaming which Bucky's pretty sure Becca set her up to do, by the time the two crazy Christmas coots have finished shocking Steve and Bucky awake, they're even more exhausted than before. Becca and Mads finally run off to the living room and promptly begin to blare Christmas music.

" _IT'S! BEGINNING! TO! LOOK! ALOT! LIKE! CHRISTMAS!_ " Becca honest to God _screams._

Steve's shaking with laughter and he had pulled the blankets over his head for protection of sorts when Becca came barging in so all Bucky sees is the snowmen and reindeer pattern.

"You can come out now, they're gone." Bucky says wryly, but Steve's still laughing so Bucky yanks the blankets off of him. 

Steve's hair is even more out of sorts, his face is red- not quite a blush but Bucky'll take it. "Merry Christmas," says Steve, almost out of breath but looking up at Bucky like that should be _forbidden_ , looking so happy and cheerful Bucky could just- he could just-

He can't. So he just smiles softly (Too softly, Inner Bucky is facepalming because _you can't act soft and not be obvious at the same time, you dumbass_ ) "Merry Christmas to you too, Stevie." And there he goes again with the nickname-dropping. 

If they were really boyfriends, Bucky knows what he would do. He would probably reach down to tousle Steve's hair a little more, brush it back from his face. Bucky would probably give in, Bucky wouldn't even have to resist in the first place, he would lean down and give him a little kiss on those perfect lips-

"We should go outside." Steve says as if they were going to do anything else- if they were really boyfriends, they would, Bucky supposes, but he decides that he's not going to think about that for the rest of the day. "You know- before they burn down the house or something." 

"Right." Bucky's voice doesn't waver. It doesn't.

\---

Outside in the living room, it's chaos. Bucky didn't know there could be this much tinsel in a whole store, let alone the whole world. (Okay, exaggeration.) Also, Steve pulled on a flannel over his shirt so now he's looking delectably cozy and warm and Christmas-y, and Buck can't take this anymore.

"Becca-"

" _Shhhhh_ ," she pops up behind him and Steve, drapping tinsel all over them, " _Embrace_ the spirit of Christmas, Bucky." 

She then proceeds to run around them in circles with tinsel in hand, Mads following her with shrieks of delight, effectively roping him and Steve together with the shiny material. Nice. Then they scurry off into the kitchen to do God knows what else, leaving Bucky sputtering about the injustice of this all.

"Fancy meeting you here," Steve jokes, regarding their current predicament with impressive calm.

Bucky's not sure how they're going to get out of this one with their arms firmly pinned to their sides with tinsel. "Come here often?" 

"Nope, first time," Steve continues conversationally, looking almost comfortable, "So. Wanna go out some time?

"Not even a pick up line?" Snorts Bucky, though Inner Bucky is screaming something along the lines of _Just say yes, just pretend it's real_ \- "Come on, you can be smoother than that."

"Sure can," (oh, Bucky hates it when Steve winks like that), "Are you..tinsel? Because you're all around me?" Steve trails off, knowing that was a shitty line and Bucky's _chortling_ because _damn_ that was bad, but he'd still go out with Steve in a heartbeat. 

"That's terrible!" Bucky shakes his head, "No way I can go out with you with that kind of line- jeez what do you take me for, a pushover?" ( _Yes_ , deadpans Inner Bucky) 

"Okay, so I'm not good at improv," Steve pouts slightly, "What're you going to do, dump me?"

"If you can't think of a good enough line by tonight, I will," teases Bucky. Funnily enough, it occurs to him that by tonight they might not even be "boyfriends" anymore, since they'll be leaving early in the morning. _Fuck._

But Steve doesn't know what Bucky's thinking, can't begin to imagine that Bucky's so head over heels for him, so he just smiles that smile that makes Bucky chest tighten, "Challenge accepted, Buck. I'll be so smooth you won't even know what hit you."

"Uhuh." To be honest, Steve would only have to look at Bucky the right way to get him to cave, but Steve _doesn't need to know that._

If they were really boyfriends, maybe Bucky's heart wouldn't be pounding so hard, maybe he wouldn't feel so uneasy all the time, maybe his hands wouldn't be sweating at just the thought of Steve pretend-flirting with him.

Eventually they shuffle into the kitchen, nearly snagging on the Christmas Tree with their tinsel, but they make it, okay, they get to the kitchen and demand to be released from their sparkly bonds. 

"Um.... no," Becca taps her chin before refusing. She's enjoying this too much, Bucky thinks. Luckily, all he has to do is bribe Mads with some game time on his phone and she's snipping away with some scissors Mads, _not there, please that's too close to-!_

"Where the fu- udge- _fudge_ ," Sam corrects himself loudly, "Did you get this much tinsel, God it's everywhere-"

"Why can't you just enjoy it?" Becca crosses her arms, "It's Christmas, Sam-" She'd been busy pouring hot cocao powder into separate mugs.

"Yeah, not Tinselmas! I'm-"

"Shut up, Sam, you're just grumpy when you're tired," Riley mumbles past a yawn, unfortunately beating Bucky to the chase. He winds an arm around Sam's waist and immediately, Sam is complacent (or less provocative), and well fuck if Bucky doesn't feel a tiny twinge of pain. Not, jealousy, it's not _they have it and I don't_ , it's just _I want that so badly_. Meanwhile, he and Steve are standing there in a puddle of tinsel, inches between them spanning miles.

"If you guys don't help me with this hot chocolate, you're not getting any," Becca leaves no time to pine as it is, (Inner Bucky is relieved, if he has to sit through one more internal monologue I swear) they get busy heating up milk the milk and finding marshmallows and then Junior and Janice amble down the stairs in their pjs and Mads is frequently yelling, _"Is it presents time yet?_ "

The Aunts (Tina, Patricia, Laura) are next to appear and they immediately set to making breakfast, almost in a zombie-like state because if there's one thing they can do, it's cook. And overshare. And intrude. But in the best, most familiar way, of course.

"Who wants eggs?" Aunt Tina calls out, pen and paper in hand. This is how they do it every year.

"Me!" Mads.

"I do," Janice and Junior say in unison.

"Hit me up!" Sam crows. 

"Me too," Riley is more reserved than Sam.

"Count me in," Becca is busy with stirring cocao powder into three different mugs at once- how is she even doing that?

"Steve and I'll have some too, thanks," Bucky is polite, unlike the rest of these ungrateful ingrates. 

"Okay, that leaves Jonathan, Winnie, and the three of us," concludes Tina, "Do you guys-"

"Yes," Patricia and Laura are already cracking eggs into a pan, " We'll just make eggs for Jon and Winnie, extras will be fed to-"

"-me," finishes Sam, happily. The glutton.

"Okay, so who wants ham?" Aunt Tina asks now, and the cycle begins again.

By the time both Bucky's parents have come downstairs, Mads looks like she's going to explode from excitement and breakfast is pretty much ready. They'll just eat in the living room, around the Christmas tree where they open the presents. Hopefully, Mads' little five-year-old body will be able to contain herself.

"Wait-" Bucky suddenly realizes he kinda wants cookies, like right now. "Give me a sec-" He knows that the frozen cookie dough is in the freezer (Winnifred refuses to even look at them she says, why does he even want pre-made cookies anyways? She can make them ten times better- but look they're there because of moments like this, when Bucky really, really needs warm cookies and cold milk and-)

"What are you looking for?" Steve fucking- he _FucKing glides a hand up Bucky's back_ (Bucky does not shiver, nor does he freeze up, nor does he melt at the same time) while looking into the freezer from beside Bucky. 

"My stolen memories," quips Bucky, not even a good comeback, cause what else is he supposed to fucking do when the weight of Steve's hand on his back is going to end him?

"Hmm, you might have better luck if I help you with that- no but really, what are you looking for because this fridge is a mess, you'll never find it." 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," mutters Bucky, but he moves aside to let Steve help. "I'm looking for the pre-cut cookie dough-"

" _James Buchanan Barnes_ , are you looking for that _obscenity_ \- I swear- don't even let me _see it_ -" calls out Bucky's mom, all the way from the living room- the woman has supersonic hearing or something. 

In total, it takes them about ( _seriously_ ) twenty-five minutes to actually to actually find the pre-packaged cookie dough, and every five minutes someone else calls out "Hey, slow-pokes, get your butts in here!" or "We can't open these presents without you!" or Mads will run in screaming and weave about around their legs screaming for them to hurry.

"It's okay-" The cookies aren't even big deal, really, Bucky was just suddenly seized by an irrational want for them, because _Christmas_ , he's really ready to go sit down anyways, but Steve refuses to stop looking because he's Steve. 

For the fourth time, Steve mutters, "Look it has to be here somewhere, I've gone through four racks and there are only six racks in this freezer-"

"Steve-" Bucky doesn't know if he should be annoyed but frankly it's funny to see Steve so determined about this, even if it's so insignificant, "Steve, it's really okay-"

" _I got it._ "

The box of little cookie dough circles is held triumphantly in Steve's hands. 

"I told you I could find it," Steve says smugly, "You're welcome."

"Thank you-" Bucky makes grabby hands, "Lemme get those into the oven-"

"Wax paper-" Steve gives him a roll of the baking sheets- "And this weird tray thing." Bucky doesn't even need to go get any of the stuff himself, because Steve is an absolute blessing. "I'll help you cut the paper." 

_He's so fucking perfect, oh my God_ , Bucky is screaming in his head whilst Inner Bucky begs him to finish baking the _fucking cookies_.

If they were really boyfriends, maybe this would be the point at which Bucky would lean in for a grateful peck on the cheek or maybe Steve would crowd Bucky against the counter playfully, leave the wax paper on the table and forget about it until someone walks in (Sam) and makes a shitstorm out of them making out in the kitchen until someone else tells them wryly not to be a hypocrite (Riley).

They leave the cookies in the oven, setting Bucky's phone timer to fifteen minutes, and scramble into the living room. "Have no fear- Bucky's here-" Bucky starts to announce before Mads pelts him with tinsel and Steve helps her- because forget what Bucky said about him being perfect, he's an _asshole_ and just likes encouraging Madison. 

Steve gets handed a mug with a cute reindeer, while Bucky gets a regular old "#1 Dad" mug and if that's not blatant favoritism, Bucky doesn't know what is. He should have taken this into account, that they would love Steve this much, because how could they not, how could they _not_ adore Steve whole-heartedly. Bucky is no longer their favorite son.

"Ok, presents time-" Winifred begins, but she's interrupted by an unearthly shriek from Mads. So that's that. 

They go through all the presents heaped underneath the giant Douglas Fir, handing presents off "This one's for Becca", "That one's for Sam, but _don't_ tell him-", "Shut up, Bucky, no one asked you- Thanks Riles-" "You guys are gross, makin' eyes at each other _constantly-_ ", " _Shut up, Bucky, no one asked you,_ and _also_ might I add that you won't stop staring at Steve-" And on it goes, though Bucky does shut up after that. 

Steve's snickering does not help. ("Staring at me, really, Buck- that's cute-", "If you don't shut up-", "-You'll what? Break up with me?" _Yikes_ , Inner Bucky is flinging himself off a cliff because if only Steve knew the answer to that, which was _no, never, he couldn't possibly._ )

Eventually everyone has their own personal pile of presents, even Steve which is a surprise since Bucky had only notified his mom of Steve's presence a week beforehand, but lo and behold there are at least three presents in Steve's lap.

"Well, you have quite the haul," Bucky shakes a particularly large box labeled for Steve "From: The Best Sister-In-Law" (he's gonna eviscerate Becca, he will, he _swears_ ). Steve's red, he doesn't know what to do with the boxes, like he's never gotten a fucking Christmas present before, but Bucky knows he's just guilty as hell because he only brought a present for Bucky's parents. 

"I can't- Bucky, I-" He looks miserable, the poor, noble soul. Serves him right. "I can't accept-"

"You can and you will," Bucky says cheerfully, not enjoying the suffering at all, nope, not at all because this is the first time Steve's seemed genuinely uncomfortable since they got here, "Because everyone loves you and they got you presents, would you look at that-"

"I can't even return the favor-" 

"Steve, _honey_ ," Winnie, of course, pops up out of nowhere at the very sound of Steve in distress, "You don't have to worry about that. You're part of the family now-"

Hah, this was a _fucking bad idea_ , Bucky's mom is attached now-

"-I just feel bad about this, like I'm imposing-" 

"Oh, shush your mouth," Well, that's one way to say it, effective enough, "I'm sure if it means that much, you can get everyone twice the amount of presents next year."

 _Next year_ \- Bucky almost chokes on his hot cocoa, almost does a perfect spittake at the thought, at the very idea and he can't tell if it's hope or dread. No, they can't keep doing this, at this rate, Bucky'll be dead by New Years. 

Winifred leaves with a fond pat of Steve's shoulder and then Steve's turning to Bucky, "Next year, huh? Looks like you're stuck with me." There's that cheeky head tilt and an eyebrow raised, well just _fuck Bucky sideways_ , doesn't Steve look like the very image of a teasing boyfriend. 

If they were really boyfriends, now would be the time when Bucky leaned in and did something utterly disgusting like kiss the tip of Steve's nose and say "Looks like _you're_ stuck with _me_ -" but as it is, Bucky can barely make eye contact with Steve's baby blues without blushing outrageously, so that's out of the question.

"Here's your present by the way," Bucky's not flustered, he's fucking not, okay. He slides a wrapped package on top of the other three presents, effectively hiding the words "Sister-In-Law" on Becca's wrapping. 

Steve's smile is worth everything, Bucky thinks. It's worth the tension he can't force from his own spine or the painful jumping in his chest whenever Steve looks at him- it soothes his longing because if Bucky can't have Steve the way he wants, he can at least have _this_ , witness Steve's grin at him, _for him._

When Steve opens his arms for a hug, Bucky can't help himself from leaning into that embrace, falling into it if he's being fucking honest. Steve is so warm around him.

"I have your present, I promise," Steve laughs sheepishly, "Just not here right now." 

"I'll take your word for it." The shrill beeping of a timer intervenes before Bucky can cling onto Steve any harder- he lets Steve pull away reluctantly.

"I'll just take the cookies out to cool, be right back," Steve squeezes his hand before heading into the kitchen, and Bucky knows following him there would be for nothing, but he still misses Steve's presence by his side. (Even if that presence is coupled with severe anxiety and uncontrollable pining, Inner Bucky scowls)

While Steve's away for the moment, Bucky gets to watch the others open their presents; Mads is absolutely delighted by the Build-A-Bear Workshop bear he made her, with its little mask and the gold buttons on its blue jacket.

"He's a superhero," Bucky tells her when she bounces into his lap gratefully. "See the mask? It's to protect his secret identity."

"What's a secret idennity?" Mads asks with a gaping smile, "Is that like a lie?"

"A little bit, but it's a good kind of lie." Bucky's sure he isn't the world's leading expert on ethics and morals and he definitely shouldn't be giving Madison the wrong ideas but, hey, he's trying.

"That can't be true, good lies don't exist," there's a furrow in her brow as she pulls off the bear's boot. "Right?"

"Well, he's just trying to protect his family," Bucky explains, now helping Mad's tug the bear's boot back on, "Because the bad guys could hurt 'em if they knew who he was."

"Oh, that makes sense," she muses acceptingly, "He's a cute bear."

"Yes, he is," Steve settles beside them comfortably, "What'd I miss?"

"I was just explaining to Mads that a secret identity is a good lie," Bucky turns to Steve, only to be caught by Steve's gaze, not for the first time. It's something about how soft he looks in the morning light, and Bucky is always caught unawares even though he should expect it by now. 

Bucky is lying to himself, he knows, but the lean of Steve's shoulder against his is less unsettling than yesterday. No less distracting, but it does not feel unnatural anymore and Bucky is fucking scared to death because he's growing accustomed to this. _Fuck._

"I know some pretty good lies myself," is Steve's little reply, a little smug, a little quiet, a little private joke between the two of them, even though it doesn't really feel like a joke anymore to Bucky, it feels like a giant hole will be fucking ripped into his universe soon and there's nothing he can do about it. 

But he just laughs a little and raises his eyebrows because, _yes, yes this is a good little lie, isn't it._

From Sam, Bucky gets a goddamned toaster. And it's actually great because Bucky didn't have one before, so jokes on Sam, he actually got Bucky a useful gift this year. (Last year it was a hardcover about interior designing and Bucky almost hit him upside the head with it.) This year, Bucky gets Sam a shitty documentary on falconry that he found at a gift store, but he knows Sam will love it because if anyone can enjoy shitty documentaries, it's Sam.

Becca, of course, makes Bucky a scarf (it's slightly lopsided and Bucky points this out but what Becca doesn't know is that Bucky will wear this scarf every other day for the next eight months and she will only find out once she realizes it's present in more than half of the pictures he ever sends her). In return, Bucky got her a cupcake plushie bigger than her head, just on a whim, and judging by the way she's squeezing it, it was a good decision.

Bucky gets a new winter jacket from his parents- his whole family is apparently on a mission to keep him warm, and he's not complaining. He got them a set of matching wine glasses, because last Christmas he ended up breaking a couple glasses by accident, oops. Wasn't his fault, blame Sam.

"What the heck is this, Bucky?" Junior holds the oval contraption aloft in puzzlement.

"It's an air humidifier, Junior," explains Bucky, "And it also lights up."

"Yeah, but what for-"

"Because you snore and you're afraid of the dark," says Bucky flatly. "So, you're welcome, Janice."

Laughing, she comes over to hug him, "How did you know- this is the greatest gift I've ever-"

"Oh, shut up, you two," Junior rolls his eyes, acting all offended, but then he's dragging Janice back by one of her slippers to give her an embarrassing kiss on the cheek. Bucky doesn't even try to hide a smile.

"That's some embarrassing PDA, isn't it," Steve says quietly to him, and Bucky knows that if he looks, Steve'll be grinning too.

"They're the epitome of idyllic married life, leave them alone," mutters Bucky good-naturedly, who is then unprepared for Steve's arm slipping around his shoulders and the softest kiss pressed to his temple. The warm shivers are terrible and Inner Bucky is about to riot because, _you dumbass, you're not supposed to be getting all warm and fuzzy, remember? You're trying not to get too attached, remember?_

But it's getting too hard to remember and too easy to think, if they were really boyfriends, Bucky would take this chance to turn just the smallest fraction to catch Steve's lips with his, draw it out for a few seconds too long, allow himself to get lost in those warm eyes-

"Help me get the cookies?" Sure, Steve's not purposely interrupting Bucky's brief reverie but he's grateful anyways. "I don't know where the plates are, so-" 

"Course-" Bucky doesn't agree too fast, he _doesn't_ , "But you haven't opened my present yet, punk-"

"Don't be a jerk, I'll get to it," laughs Steve, patiently placing cookies on a plate, one by one.

"Well, okay then," Bucky steals a cookie deftly, "Just making sure you haven't forgotten about my present, you know, since you have so many now." It's just a bit of teasing but Steve protests immediately. 

"I could never," he shakes his head solemnly, "Never ever forget about your present-"

The cookie is still warm and is soft just short of falling apart, exactly what Bucky needed. "I know that, it's a joke-"

"Okay, but I have to make sure you know that your present is the best, I'm going to love it-" Steve's not playing, this is just how he is, Bucky can see that he just really needs him to know how much he appreciates it and, okay there's a light in Steve's tone but he genuinely cares about what Bucky thinks. And fuck if that's not one of the reasons why Bucky loves him so much. "Come on, you know I'm saving the best for last, right?"

"Yeah, I know- I _know_ ," Then Bucky's laugh gets cut off when Steve draws close, no laughter left in Bucky's airways, nope, he can't expel a single breath because Steve's got the pad of his thumb at the corner of Bucky's mouth and there's that fond curve of his lips.

"Chocolate, sorry," Steve utters it like it means nothing, nothing at all except he hasn't moved away yet and Bucky's afraid that he's going to go cross-eyed and ruin the moment.

Inner Bucky scoffs, _what moment?_

But Steve leans in farther, effectively shutting Inner Bucky the hell up by pressing their lips together in the smallest way possible- Bucky still can't help the startled inhale he takes- and Steve laughs a little, low in his throat and Bucky is so far gone then- he distantly registers that Steve tastes like chocolate chip cookies- so he had stolen one as well then.

Bucky only turns his head away once he starts feeling truly heady- Inner Bucky rushes back all at once, _Bucky, what the fucking hell are you doing, this was unnecessary, you're supposed to have better self control than this, you can't just kiss him like that, you can't-_

Except it was Steve that kissed Bucky, wasn't it? And it's Steve who is tugging Bucky back into the living room, holding a plate of warm cookies in his other hand, and it's Steve who does not want Bucky that is calm and collected and goddamn jolly, and it's Bucky who does want Steve that is dumbstruck and dead silent and wearing the look of a man whose soul is currently exiting his body.

But before they actually walk into living room, Steve's hands are coming over Bucky's eyes and he can't help but heave a sigh because _what fucking now_ \- what could _possibly_ happen next-

"Merry Christmas, Buck," Steve honest to God giggles like (well, yeah) a child on Christmas morning. Bucky doesn't need sight to clearly distinguish Sam cackling, semi-evilly, and that sends a shudder down his spine. But the rest of his family must be there, right? So they wouldn't let anything terrible happen to him, _right?_

_Right_ , because when Steve finally slides his fingers open for Bucky to peek through, nothing terrible could possibly happen because what's sitting in front of Bucky is the world's largest, fluffiest, and _most fucking adorable teddy bear._

Bucky's gaping. He knows he's gaping. "You're kidding."

"No, not really."

"It's bigger than the Christmas tree."

"That's true."

"I'm. I'm going to go hug it now." A slight waver in his voice.

"You do that." There's unbridled satisfaction in Steve's words.

Bucky is never going to let go of the teddy bear; it encompasses him in fluff and sinks beneath him- look, he has no idea how both of them will fit on his bed but he's going to figure it out, there's no way he's sleeping without it. "Steve, your hugs are no longer the best, I just want you to know that." 

"Awww, shucks," he doesn't sound to worried though, "I made a mistake, then."

Bucky doesn't want to ever get up again. No, he doesn't need to face the world, why would he when he would much rather keep his face buried in this giant stuffed animal? He mumbles something into the bear's fur.

_I love you._

"What was that?" Steve asks gleefully.

"I love it," Bucky finally lifts his head, "Thanks, Stevie." He's beaming because, damn, there's no way anyone could look at this giant bear and not smile. Bucky doesn't think he's ever seen one this gigantic in his _whole life._ This is the stuff of dreams, and he says so.

"How did you even get this here- there's no way you snuck this into the car-"

"I had it mailed here a couple days ago, actually," Steve sure sounds pleased with himself. 

Winifred then insists on taking a million more pictures, cooing and very, very subtly holding back tears. Bucky's feeling a bit overwhelmed himself, you know, what with lying to his entire family and all. But he's pretty good at keeping that under wraps, so it's all fine.

Reclining peacefully into the bear's embrace (His name shall be Pinkerton, Inner Bucky declares) Bucky feels more relaxed now. Must be Pinkerton's doing. "Okay, so now you have to open my present." So, sue Bucky if he knows his present is pretty darn impressive, but he can't wait to see Steve's face light up. 

The gold bow comes off first, then the first layer of wrapping.

Then the second layer of wrapping.

Then a third-

"Dude, what the heck? How many layers of gift wrap-"

"That's the last one, I promise," Bucky waves it off, "I had to make sure it was extra protected."

"Okay," dubiously, Steve tears the final layer away. His face does not, in fact, light up.

_What the fuck-_

Oh wait, it was face down. 

When Steve turns the sketchbook over in his hands, he does that thing where he breaks out into a grin while his eyes roam the surface of the sketchbook with blatant excitement. "Bucky," he says, every bit as thrilled as Bucky had expected, "You crazy closet artist, you-

"Stop it-"

"You crazy, talented, amazing-" Steve doesn't even sound like he's kidding, "You brilliant- sometimes I don't understand why you're not the one majoring in art because-"

Okay, Bucky is blushing way too hard now, this was not part of the plan to stay calm and suave, "Aw, you know I couldn't do it for a living-"

The front of the sketchbook is essentially a scratchboard- the fine scratches revealing gold underneath, and every single minuscule mark forms the side view of a magnificent bald eagle poised with fierce eyes. 

Maybe Steve doesn't always look like that- because Bucky had to face it, Steve is pretty much a marshmallow half the time despite his stature, but he's seen Steve when he takes a stand, and it's a sight to behold. 

"Come on, leave the bear for a sec, come here," Steve gestures, his grin never losing its luster, "I gotta thank you properly."

If they were really boyfriends, a proper thanking would be all-encompassing, none of this holding back that Bucky's been clinging onto. It wouldn't matter if it was a hug or a kiss or anything else, it would just be full of the knowledge that they loved each other- or something, but what the fuck did Bucky know? 

It's not different from the other hugs that Bucky's melted into but something sets him off this time. Maybe it's gentle fingers carding through the hair at the nape of his neck, maybe it's Steve's content chuckle into his ear, or maybe the extra sensitive knowledge that at least half of the family is watching them, or the intense longing for something real- Bucky stiffens immediately and pulls back- not gently, either, but more with jerky motions and a pained expression.

Bucky was always good at hiding excess emotions, so good that sometimes he forgot what happened when the dam broke and everything came rushing out. Like now- like- oh, _fuck_ there were tears starting in his eyes-

"Buck?" Steve's voice is too soft for him to handle, puzzled concern too inviting, "Hey, what's-"

- _of course he knew better, he could never have Steve like this, not for real he couldn't-_

"Nothing- " _I need to talk to you, I need to stop this, I can't-_ "It's nothing, I'm sorry-" A sheepish laugh comes out sounding broken and Bucky can't fix it.

"Bucky-"

- _this was such a fucking bad idea, how did Bucky even begin to think he could endure this without backlash, because now, being with Steve feels even shittier than it did before-_ "Um- you know-"

_Steve interrupts again, not that Bucky had a good subject-changer anyways. "Bucky, I think-"_

"I'm fine-"

__

Firmly, Steve has Bucky by the hand, coaxing him up wordlessly, "Okay, come on-" They pass Winifred and Jonathan and Steve just says, "Give us a moment, thanks-"

__

Instead of the guest room, Steve leads Bucky into the supply closet again, shutting the door gently behind him, no evidence of annoyance or anger- that's the only reason why Bucky hasn't actually broken down yet; the hope that Steve is not mad, not fed up with Bucky's erratic behavior. 

__

"Why are we in here?" the flatness of his voice is something that Bucky is unbelievably proud of. 

__

"I know you're more comfortable in small spaces," explains Steve, goddamn him for remembering as little a detail as that, "And I don't want you to run away."

__

"Run away?" He wouldn't run away- Bucky wouldn't (Inner Bucky sighs, _yes, you would_ ).

__

"Yes, I think we need to talk-" Panic surges through Bucky at the words, flight seems infinitely more convincing than fight ( _Told you_ , inserts Inner Bucky) "-about things."

__

"Things." If Bucky's tone was any flatter, it'd be the line on his future heartbeat monitor, because he can sense impending death. 

__

"Yeah-" Bucky hasn't looked Steve in the face yet but he's pretty sure Steve's grimacing uncomfortably at this point. Ready to give the rejection speech, the "It's not you, it's me", or "I just don't like you in, you know, that way", or "You know I'm straight, right?" spiel. 

__

"No thanks," mutters Bucky, starting to squeeze past Steve but then Steve's hands are braced firmly on his shoulders- just enough to stop him, not enough to be restraining him. 

__

" _Please_ \- Buck- just, come on, we can talk." Steve sighs, "Nothing difficult-"

__

_Nothing difficult_ , ha, Bucky might let loose a short laugh at that, because a year's worth of harbored feelings are _nothing difficult_ to discuss. Because no way Steve hasn't figured it out by now, Bucky's been so obvious the last two days it's actually impossible for Steve to have overlooked his much-larger-than-Pinkerton crush. 

__

"Fine then, say whatever it is you want to say," Bucky is too curt, he knows and he regrets but he also refuses to take the words back. 

__

There's a pause, maybe Steve's licking his lips nervously, "I'm so sorry for making you uncomfortable back there, I really should be aware of my boundaries and I think I freaked you out with too much hugging and stuff."

__Wait- _back the fuck up.__ _

Steve is... apologizing? Startled, Bucky raises his head, making eye contact- Steve is biting at his own lip, looking anxious and a bit sick to his stomach if Bucky's to be honest. He looks nervous, like he's afraid Bucky will what? Not accept his apology?

____

"Why are you apologizing, I-"

__"It was my idea to do this whole 'boyfriend' thing, and I know I overstepped, Bucky."_ _

"Overstepped, what-"

____

"You _know_ ," Steve gestures, "Like- I guess I convinced myself of things that actually weren't true and got too caught up in this whole deal. And so you don't actually like me at all and I shouldn't have kissed you so many times because it must have been so uncomfortable for you-"

____

"Wait, Steve-"

____

"-And every time you called me Stevie I lost my mind a bit. I should have really reined myself in. I read you wrong and I apologize for pushing my feelings onto you-"

____

"Wait a second-"

____

"-I don't want to ruin anything because I've been an idiot this whole time and I swear I'm not some manipulative douche who would purposely use every chance to get into your pants, even with a hoax like this or-"

____

" _Stevie._ " Bucky doesn't know where the borderline threatening tone emerges from, but it works. "Slow down. Let me-" A shuddering breath, "I gotta take a minute to process this."

____

Bucky can't miss the way Steve's hangs his head, like he's expecting the worst. This. Actually makes no sense. Even Inner Bucky is stunned speechless.

____

"You... like me." Swallowing hard, Bucky forces the words out, awkward as they feel over his tongue. He had honestly never expected to say them.

____

"Yeah," Steve admits, "I've gotten out of hand, I know-"

____

" _Shhhh-_ " Bucky doesn't know if he's directing that at Steve or the clamoring in his own mind. "You... actually have romantic intentions toward me."

____

"Well- I never thought I would act on 'em, but, I guess, yeah-" Steve sounds on the verge of panic now, to think that they had entered this room with Bucky frantic and Steve calm. "Bucky, please-"

____

When Bucky finally looks up again, there's the faintest smile of amusement on his face, and Steve looks confused. "You are actually a dumbass." Semi-hysterical giggles bubble up, "Oh, God, _I'm_ a dumbass-" 

____

Maybe Steve's smiling a little now too, maybe getting what Bucky isn't explicitly stating. "Bucky, I swear to God, don't laugh at me-"

____

"You thought- you _thought_ that I didn't like you back because I freaked out when you kissed me or hugged-" Bucky's got a hand to his temple, he's still laughing, "You idiot-" 

"I mean, what else was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know, but I can't believe you didn't know for sure if I liked you, that's absurd-"

"Stop," Steve's turning a delightful shade of red and he gives Bucky a small shove, "Come on-"

Then Bucky's leaning back from the shove, a little too close to Steve now and it doesn't even matter because Bucky's got an open smile on his face for once, he looks up at Steve and says, "Hi." Maybe the laughters gone again but it's been replaced with an inexplicable feeling of something else expanding in his chest.

"Hi," Steve answers, eyebrows raising slightly, a little bit of a question, a little bit of a challenge. 

Heart pounding, Bucky winds his arms around Steve's neck, slowly- Steve doesn't say a word, just looks down at him. Maybe swallows hard. Bucky never knew that he could be the one to cause that- this may be his best idea yet. 

It's only a small kiss- nothing compared to what they'd gotten wrapped up in while in the kitchen, but Bucky's not sure if he'll ever recover from this one. Steve looks dazed, even.

"Wait- _wait_ ," Voice hushed and breathless, like anything louder would scare Bucky away, Steve holds up a hand. "This. This means you like me too. Right?" His words are deliciously fragmented, to Bucky's amazement. 

"What do you think, stupid?" Bucky's the stupid one, actually, but he'll get to that later.

"No, I'm," another swallow, "Just checking, you know."

"Right."

"Wait- before you kiss me again," His breathy laughter just might be Bucky's weakness, "I came up with the best pick-up line just now. I can't- you'll- I'll forget if you-"

"I'm not that good a kisser-"

"Well, I fucking beg to differ," Steve mutters. 

"Okay, give me your shitty pick-up line already," Bucky's ready to be either amazed or horrified.

"You said you wanted a good pick-up line by tonight- but I'm going to be with you to the end of _the_ line." 

Bucky thinks that if he weren't such a dumbass no way he could love Steve even more after that, but he is a dumbass, so he does.

"I have no words." Bucky knows he's two seconds from doubling over in laughter, "I _can't believe_ -"

"Aww, it wasn't _that_ bad-" 

"I have been on a train with you _one_ time, Steve," he's wheezing now, "Once. A train pun. A pick-up line involving _trains_ -"

"Hey, I tried my best-"

"The saddest part is I know that's true," Bucky has to brace himself on his knees, "Oh god, _to the end of the line_ , I'm-"

"So, what're you gonna do? Break up with me?" Seemingly recovered from his earlier anxiety, Steve is now his usual confident self, because he knows the answer to that question.

If they were really boyfriends, Bucky would say something slyly, or maybe keep teasing Steve or maybe let Steve back him up against the nearest surface- Bucky realizes the possibilities are endless, but he does all three aforementioned. 

"I could never, you know that," Bucky'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy being up against the wall now. "It's a bad idea, but I guess I'll keep you around."

For once Inner Bucky completely agrees.

____  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Alright, pay up," Becca holds out her hands smugly. Sam grumbles but Riley forks over five bucks with little complaint.
> 
> "Damn, I really thought they'd hold out till tonight," Sam sighs in disappointment, "Damnit Bucky, Steve's better at communication than you- if it hadn't been for him-"
> 
> "Aww, be happy for him," Riley tucks his head over Sam's shoulder contentedly.
> 
> "Oh, believe me, I am," rolling his eyes, Sam shoves his wallet back in his pocket, "But his dumb ass cost me five bucks."
> 
> " _Bucks_ , haha, get it?" Chuckles Riley- Sam groans but doesn't shove him off.
> 
> "Okay, so when are we gonna tell 'em we're getting married," Sam rubs his chin, "I don't know if they could all handle it to be honest."
> 
> Becca sighs into her cupcake plushie, "Mom might actually die of happiness- might want to wait until New Years, Sam."
> 
> "Good idea," agrees Sam, "What do you think, boo?" The term is lightly used, almost teasing but Riley grins happily.
> 
> "Whatever you want. I'm cool with it."
> 
> "Yeah, I'm out-" Becca scoots off the couch in a hurry, "Have fun being domestic-"
> 
> "Hey-" Sam calls out as she runs off, "Tell them to quit hogging the closet for their makeout session, will ya? I'm gonna need to get some trash bags from there later and I _don't want to see anything terrible_ -"

**Author's Note:**

> COME SAY HI TO ME ON TWITTER, OK, @capconspicuous  
> theres a ton of Stucky there and also I need friends and also you get to talk to me and also know when I'm writing at 2 AM :)))))))


End file.
